Emotions are a big part of a person. The way one expresses their emotions says a lot about their personality. People are often afraid of emotions because we make irrational decisions if not controlled properly. Any emotion be it love, fear, hate, jealously, anger or grief can elicit violent reactions from us. The most common emotion to do so is ANGER.
We can get angry very easily. Partner forgot to call; we get angry. Grades not up to your expectations or didn’t get a promotion, your crush didn’t return your feelings or the internet is running slow. These situations are often quick to make one angry. Then imagine facing actual hard times like losing your only source of income or home. In such situations, with several situations swirling with no idea how to deal with them, we usually revert to expressing them all as anger. It is in cases like these one needs to know to control their anger the most.
Cause of the anger
If anything is worse than uncontrollable rage or a storm of emotions being collectively expressed as anger then it is misplaced anger. We often take out our bitter feelings on the people we are closest to. The people we spend most of our time with or share our secrets are often the ones to take the brunt of our anger. There is a chance that they might understand the situation you are in and let it go but it doesn’t change the fact that they would have been hurt by some things you said. After the anger subsides we usually immediately feel bad for taking it out on them and may even apologize but the damage is done.
Therefore, it is very important to pinpoint the reason for your anger rather than misplacing it on someone or something else. It is the first step to effectively managing your anger.
Express, don’t Suppress
Expressing one’s anger is always well advised rather than lashing out at people every time one gets angry, which is not a healthy practice to do. If it becomes a habit, people close to you would get hurt. Future, as well as existing relationships may fracture with all the involved parties being emotionally hurt.
Anger doesn’t necessarily result in violent behavior. It could also result in overthinking about upsetting events, developing health problems, decreased productivity, frustration and such. While it is not easy to acting rationally while being angry, there are ways to calm down faster to help you think clearly and then taking the needed actions with a calm mind. This way doing something that you may regret later could be prevented.
Anger Managing Hacks
Not many are masters at managing their anger. Some help is always required to help you calm down. There are various small things that one can practice when on verge of seething anger.
Some of these are:
- Take deep breaths- Whenever you feel like you are about to yell or get violent, try taking deep breaths while counting each one of them till you feel calmer.
- Walk away- Even after 10-15 deep breaths, if you do not feel calm then walk away. It is better to leave rather than wait and do something we might regret later.
- Sweat it out- Go for a long walk or a run. Physical exercise helps in taking our mind off things we don’t want to think about.
- Distract yourself- Just because you calmed down doesn’t stop you from thinking about why you were angry in the first place. It could start the cycle all over again. Try listening to your favorite songs or reading a book. Eat an ice-cream.
- Evaluate yourself- After you are sure you are calm enough to think rationally, consider the events and look for the exact reason you got angry.
When we are suggested to get help dealing with our anger, we immediately get defensive. This is because “help” is translated to therapy or an anger management program. While professional help is always advised, we might not always have the luxury to do so.
Getting help could easily be talking about your emotions. Most of the times it is difficult to figure out if it is anger or some other emotions underneath it all. Sometimes we are not ready to accept a truth till someone else tells us it is true. Our closest friends, siblings or parents are usually well attuned to our behaviors. Sit down with them and talk to them about events that transpired. Tell them your thoughts and emotions. This will not only help you re-evaluate the situation from different perspectives but also get a third-person view. It would help you come to a rational solution.
In difficult times we are often looking for a reason to pin our difficulties on rather than accepting the situation. Having a conversation about it will help you accept it and moved forward.
We are always trying to pose a strong front, especially in difficult times. While doing so we get used to masking all other negative emotions with anger. Each emotion has a different and therefore has to be dealt with differently. A strong front and underlying anger usually result in aggression. Aggression may get a few things done but that is not the answer in all the situations. Aggression with unmanaged anger is a recipe for disaster. Hence it is important to share your feelings, discuss them and get them sorted. No matter how difficult the situation gets, keeping a level head and a healthy mind would always find a solution to it.
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